When I started writing my story I thought it would be
easy, and I didn’t anticipate that in the process of digging up the facts I
would also relive the emotions of fear and anxiety that I felt at the
time. I have always found it difficult
to write about the difficult times, and have always tried to project a positive
attitude by balancing the grim truth with pretty photos of happy times or funny
clipart pictures. It took me longer than
usual to write this part of my story, and I hacked my brain and my photo files
to add some happiness and glamour to the events that took place from April to
December 2008. I simply couldn’t find much. I hope that this insight into
my journey will lead to a better understanding of MSA, other neurodegenerative
diseases and the people who battle with these diseases every day.
April 2008.
After the hiking experience (read 'Encounters with lions'), we spent
another week in different camps in the Kruger National Park, enjoying early
morning game viewing trips, afternoon siestas and relaxing evenings next to the
campfire. Johnny, however, experienced
chest pains on more than one occasion whilst unloading our luggage from the
car.
Back home I was determined to beat these silly symptoms,
and with steely determination I attempted to improve my balance by developing
my stabilizer muscles. Some of my
attempts on the bosu probably made me look like a circus lady in training and resulted in me ending up bruised on the studio floor. Although I was forced to drop some of the
more advanced and dangerous activities, I continued to exercise on the
treadmill, stepper, cycle and circuit equipment. I also continued doing pilates and yoga. However, the stairs up to the gym had become
an increasing challenge - I had started holding on tight, concentrating on
every step.
June 2008.
After several more incidents of chest pains, Johnny consulted the
cardiologist. He decided to do an
angiogram to see whether there were any blocked arteries, and if necessary, to
insert stents. Subsequently, two stents
were inserted in what the cardiologist called ‘severely diseased arteries’. At that time I encouraged him to adopt a
healthier lifestyle and we changed our diet to low GI, low fat and high
fibre. This diet helped him to lose
weight, but no matter how much of this healthy food I ate, I lost more weight
as well.
My next consultation with the neurologist was in
August 2008. By then I had a slight
‘dead’ sensation in my left foot and lower leg, as well as an ‘inner tremor’
(it feels like you are shaking inside, but it can’t be seen on the outside). The doctor also noticed reduced arm swing
when I walked, which could be another indication of Parkinson’s disease. He also sent me for neck scans, but the
neurosurgeon ruled out the possibility that my symptoms were caused by an old
neck injury. When I voiced my fear of a
Parkinson’s diagnosis to the neurologist, he gently assured me that PD is a
very treatable disease and nothing to fear nowadays, but to me it remained an
unacceptable threat.
By October 2008 the neurologists insisted that we get
a second opinion, but before we did that, a lumber punch had to be done to rule
out diseases of the spinal column. The
lumber punch is a pain-free procedure nowadays and all went well, but to
prevent the dreaded post-lumber punch headache, I had to remain flat on my back
for as long as possible after the procedure.
I was discharged from hospital the next morning, only to be re-admitted two
days later when I woke up with a scull-splitting headache. This time I had to stay there for another two
days. The test results came back
negative and I had to endure the remark of a friend who said that ‘I should be
thankful that there is nothing wrong with me’.
I saw the second neurologist in November and his
verdict was that ‘it is most probably a type of disease like Parkinson’s’, and
he recommended that I started taking Parkinson’s medication. The insensitive manner in which he discussed
a Parkinson’s patient with dementia with another doctor, whilst drawing pictures of nerves and explaining the workings of neurotransmitters, proved to
be too much for me to handle and I cried all the way home. My neurologist, however, was not yet
convinced that is was Parkinson’s disease and disagreed with him. He felt that medication at that stage would
have masked the symptoms, making it more difficult to make a diagnosis.
The year ended with the death of my much-loved
mother-in-law, after a short sickbed.
Despite her failing health and Alzheimer’s, her cheerful and loving
personality made her very popular with the staff in frail care, as well as with
family and friends. It was a sad
Christmas, dominated by funeral arrangements, leaving us with little time to
recover after a stressful year, and feeling apprehensive of what might lie ahead.
Sometimes I have no words of encouragement for my friend, like now. Then I can do nothing, but hold your hand. xx
ReplyDeleteSometimes all I need is a friend to sit with me and hold my hand. Thank you friend
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this devastating journey with us in such an open and honest way - Heath is so precious and I so wish we could give it all back to U and Marie, dearest Sonja.
ReplyDeleteSonja,
ReplyDeleteEach time I read your story it is as if I am reading my own story. It is very heartfelt! I know how hard it is to visit these days but it important to get down on paper. Even though I am far away I am holding your hand as well.
Hugs, Brenda
Thanks Brenda. Sharing your experience also reassures me that the feelings and emotions I experience are 'normal' for the situation I'm in. Hugs.
ReplyDelete